Each night, subliminal messages persuade them that "Cows Really Are Pretty Stupid."

Heeding the words of their herd controller, Moostapha Mondo, "Never put off until tomorrow the fun you can have today," the cows will come home on January 19th to parade in the French Quarter.

Onlookers can watch them hoof by in contented caste formation. From the ultra intelligent (for cows—about the level of the average New Orleans driver) and athletically gifted Calfa class (including the udderly fabulous Moolin Rouge dancers and the Bullshoi ballet), to the Ineptilons, in their goofy milk duds, they are all anxious to show their teats at any opportunity.

Moohammad Ali (formerly Cowscious Clay) will serve as Gland Martialler of the heathen herd, leading a cowcaphonous group of mootations,

mad cows, moody blues, and the most disappointing experiment of all, Marc Moorial, lowing because he can't be Mooer of Moo Orleans any more. Just beware of cud missiles.

In their chemically induced euphoria, the C.R.A.P.S. Cows will engage in an orgiastic frenzy of udder abandon. There will be no doubt that this is a Depraved Moo World.

L.E.W.D Tests New Orleans

Theory of Evolution

LEWD BEACH— The "Aquatic Ape" hypothesis suggests that some time between the appearance of our first primate ancestor and the arise of Homo Sapiens, our evolutionary history included an ape adapted to an aquatic exis-tence.

This aqua-ape lived under water, slept under water, mated and gave birth under water, and even watched TV under water.

Sounds ridiculous? Not so fast, say the mad scientists of L.E.W.D. In an attempt to predict the future of mankind, the Krewe is building on this theory in presenting its L.E.W.D. vision of the future.

Everyone knows the city of New Orleans is gradually sinking, while the waters of the earth are rising.

L.E.W.D. research indicates that the city will eventually submerge completely, becoming the "Lost City of LEWDtopia".

This begs the obvious question: how long can the residents of New Orleans hold their breath under water before they either adapt or go extinct? The new theory holds that, in a desperate attempt to maintain the LEWD and debauched lifestyle, the process of devolution will begin right here in the Crescent City.

"We will evolve backwards to a previous, more primitive evolu-tionary state," said a LEWD member. "Perhaps to an aquatic ape, perhaps to lampreys and hagfish, or perhaps even further, to trilobites and brachiopoliticians."

Some observers believe that several steps down this path have already been taken, as evidenced by the current state of education, government and lifestyle in New Orleans. Others began practicing breathing under water by holding their mouths open under flowing beer taps.

While some investors began buying up soon-to-be-waterfront New Orleans property, marine biologists lamented the fact that will probably be no coral reefs (or reefer) in the future New Orleans Basin. However, divers will still be able to explore under-sea mountains of submerged Mardi Gras beads, used condoms and needles, empty beer cans, and the anaerobic stench of stale politics.