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KREWE du VIEUX CROSSES CANAL

CANAL ST.- Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic, George Washington crossed the Delaware, and Charles Lindbergh crossed the Atlantic. On January 31, 2015 history will be made again as Krewe du Vieux takes a new parade route and crosses the Canal Street. The parade will begin in he Fauborg Marigny and meander through the French

Barry

Quarter before making its historic crossing of Canal Street. Parade begins at 6:30pm.


KREWE BEGS for CHANGE

NEW ORLEANS- They seem to be everywhere ... grabbing your attention any way they can ... barely avoiding being run over ... begging you to part with your treasure ... but enough about Mardi Gras parade-goers and Louisiana politicians!

Unfortunately, no amount of begging could stop the relentless onslaught of campaign commercials; the vast amounts of cash spent during the 2014 elections proved that beggars could indeed be schmoozers. And large change was definitely in the air. Louisiana voters inexplicably decided to send Frankenstein’s gay bride to the U.S. Senate, completing its change from Blue to Red. Voters fed up with gridlock made a statement by voting to ensure it would get worse.

Barry

Irrevocably weakened by the results, President Yomama meekly accepted his new status by issuing major decrees on immigration, the Internet, foreign policy, climate change, and the most pressing issue of the day, who should be the next American Idol.

Also in Washington, the Senate released a report describing CIA torture tactics used to interrogate possible Islamic terrorists, but listening to Mitch McConnell was deemed too inhumane even for these suspects. And Metairie Congressman Steve Scalise was elected House Whip, allowing him to indulge his secret fantasies, some of which probably involve friends of Metairie Senator David Vitter.

Elsewhere on the planet, Putin’s aggression left the Ukraine singing “Crimea River”. The Russian president’s long lost Jamaican half-brother, Ras- Putin, followed up by announcing plans to annex Haiti. The Islamic State put the “hate” in caliphate, but despite its prohibition on drinking, by the end of the year was getting bombed regularly. Global climate change reached the point where the remaining polar ice cap couldn’t supply enough cubes for Happy Hour.

Here in Louisiana, brain-eating amoebas infiltrated the water system in the state capitol complex, where they promptly starved to death. The proliferation of fracking produced more gas than the legislative session, though less damage. And Governor Bobby “Bombay” Gindoll was against everything that might help the state, even though he used to be for it. Seems he was born under a bad science.

Senator Vitter, observing how well the tactic worked for the governor, launched his campaign for the same seat by following same pathetic flip-flopping path. Apparently he too has no common core beliefs.

Closer to home, Mayor Mitch “Son of Moon” Landrieu fared better than his sister, being re-elected in a close race against several candidates a few people vaguely remembered hearing of somewhere. He immediately assumed absolute control of everything. Too bad he didn’t work in the NOPD Sex Crimes Unit, where nobody apparently took control of anything. The crime problem in general Surpassed even what the mayor could tolerate, leading to the selection of a new chief (though not a new suit) and twelve new initiatives with catchy names like “NOLA for Life”, “Travel in Packs” and We’ve Tried Everything Else So This Better Work”.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same ....


Jim Aiken To Discharge Royal Duties As 2014 King of Krewe du Vieux


Riding the winds of change, and begging no one’s pardon, the changelings, secret agents of change and sex changers of Krewe du Vieux will take to the streets of the Marigny, French Quarter and CBD (Change-Begging District) on Saturday, January 31 at 6:30 PM. Spectators are advised to bring a change of Underwear, some spare change, and beware of beggary.

Discharging the royal duties for the parade will be Dr. Jim (and Mr. Jimmy) Aiken, who will be dripping with enthusiasm, highly medicated and prepared for any emergency. King Jim’s invaluable contributions to KdV over many years will culminate in the ultimate indignity of riding the royal float.

The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen subkrewes will beg the question, beg for indulgences, beg to differ, and undoubtedly beg for sexual favors as they each present their own game-changing interpretations of the theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age Love, Krewe of Underwear, Seeds of Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, Krewe of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips and Discharges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., Knights of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe Rue Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., Mystic Krewe of Spermes, Mystik Krewe of Comatose, Mystic Krewe of Inane, Krewe du Mishigas, and Krewe of SPANK.

Jim Aiken
Jim Aiken

Also marching will be many of the city’s top brass bands. Showcasing the local brass band talent is one of the few Krewe du Vieux traditions that has not been declared blasphemous by the ISIS cow-lick-phat.

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Krewe du Vieux Doo Saturday, January 31
Doors open 9:00 PM

CIVIC THEATER 510 O’Keefe Avenue

featuring in order of appearance

Kirk Joseph
and The Change Makers
with special guest James “12” Andrew

Late Night Music by Gravy

TICKETS $40
Available from Krewe du Vieux members

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The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen subkrewes will each present their own interpretations of the theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age Love, Krewe of Underwear, Seeds of Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, Krewe of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips and Dis- charges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., Knights of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe Rue Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., Mystic Krewe of Spermes, Mystic Krewe of Comatose, Mystic Krewe of Inane, and Krewe du Mishigas.

Also marching will be many of the city’s top brass bands. Showcasing the local brass band talent is one of many Krewe du Vieux traditions not eligible for coverage under the health care reform bill.